“poison”

there was a time when she fantasized about love.
she laid awake every single night, staring at the ceiling
counting every boy in her life she could possibly easily love.
she would smile at the endless possibilities,
dreaming of the day of when she would be in his arms.
she wasn’t afraid of the consequences or unhappy endings;
only hoping that one day there would be someone that would
leave her breathless, yet full of life.

but then she started fantasizing about you.
and you were the first boy she fell in love with.
young and innocent, she didn’t know how to love,
and you fooled her into believing that love meant compromise – but only from her.
you taught her to apologize even when it wasn’t her fault,
you made her take the blame.
you convinced her that loving you meant needing you.
she learned how to love from someone
who made her believe that her world revolved around you.
every kiss was more sour than sweet,
more teeth than lips, more blood than honey.

so, because of you, she lies awake crossing out every name on her imaginary list,
wondering where she went wrong.
she became so afraid of opening her heart because she could not bare the thought of being consumed in the same way you consumed her.
now, she’s found solace in her loneliness because of the heartache you brought her in being in another’s company.
ever since then, she’s been searching for a place in her heart, not poisoned by the touch of you.

s.x.

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